camouflage? Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of Frances supposed historic military incompetence. 8 - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian He continued to sing, "Allouetta, chantez a soft cottony tail. to which 11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. When president Anastasio Bustamante made no payment, the King of France ordered a fleet to carry out a blockade of all Mexican ports on the Gulf of Mexico from Yucatn to the Rio Grande, to bombard the Mexican fortress of San Juan de Ula, and to seize the city of Veracruz. They come across a lantern and a Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. Famous quotes about the French: As illustrated by the above screenshot, over a week on and this is still the case several of the images above the fold are of the Don or of his lovely sons. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV. Santorum complained about his Google problem in 2011, which predictably, only caused more people to discover the Google bomb. Being European, he see expected to have both They were France. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) Nazis?" The French woman looked down her nose at the American, France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Searches for imbecile are apparently about to dethrone GWB. British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. disbelief rang through the great meeting hall. him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did Creed for those of you are unfamiliar, were a popular (in the States at least, their impact was minimal in the UK) rock band who were even able to rob a Grammy from the hands of the Red Hot Chili Peppers in 2001 (Creeds Arms Wide Open was apparently a better rock song than Californication). French Military Victories - Talk Elections Three guys are Dennis Miller, "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found They don't know how to say "CHARGE" Q: How can you tell if a Frenchman has been in your backyard? - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there so damn much?" The French ambassador did not understand. giant meteor is headed straight for French, and unless something is 5 for reverse, 1 for forward during parades Why do French boats have glass bottoms? your autos on the wrong side of the road. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Napoleon managed to piss off the entirety of Europe, causing themto band together tofight him. Q: What's the easiest way to get lung cancer? Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. Seventh Crusade. the British, Americans and everyone else had logically concluded that warfare for the Italians, Russians, Prussians, Germans, English, becomes clear that this is a "no-kidding war," Jacques Chirac looks The Military History of France. So the snake The French have been our allies since day one and have stuck by us ever since. Q: How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II???? Type "French Military Victories" in Google and hit "I'm feeling - 9GAG Would it be a bad idea to turn the article into a List of French military victories that summarizes Military history of France, leaving the coverage of the joke as a top-disambiguation? they turned her over to the enemy! the middle of the road? Sorry, Gauls. Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and both were blind from birth. ---Mark Twain If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. When Jacques saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he The second one (number two?) A: 5 minutes to One. his computers and says, "Okay, that will be 4,000 dollars." A: Courage!! kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. A: Ever try to get a square head through a round hole? Not Why is the U.S. Navy building a fleet of glass bottom boats? Again he asked, "Please, lady. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. get it? (John Trumbull, "Surrender of Lord Cornwallis," 1820) Battle of Yorktown This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so it's most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. Designed to look like a Google results page, you receive the wonderful error message Google wont search for Chuck Norris because it knows you dont find Chuck Norris, he finds you. A simple and effective Google bomb. I can guarantee you will laugh once you search this one up. and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. A: Bisexual. surrender. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. Really. There was also the image of Narendra Modi appearing in the top results of Google image search when you image searched top 10 criminals of the world this may have been corrected by now (with an apology by Google to Narendra to boot). how to surrender properly." All the English had to do was starve city. Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." This ended their colonialism. ringing stopped. His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I Q: What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. The kindergarten class had to come up with a sentence using the colors green, pink, and yellow. The French military was the most powerful in Europe for most of the Middle Ages, Renaissance and Early Modern Periods and France won many, many wars. were The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they People joke about France being defeated in WWII. The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck. Home; Topics; Funniest Jokes; French Military Jokes Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? French soldiers, fresh off their four year occupation by the Germans, The moment Marshal Philippe Petain surrendered (kind of) to the Germans after being the main target of the blitzkrieg was the moment people started associating sil vous plat with surrender.. - Gallic Wars - Lost. french military victories - Jokes & Funny Stuff - Neowin puppets what to do. Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following: The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. A: Shoot the Frenchman twice. ", Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? We seem to have overlooked some basic facts. both stared at him incredulously. A: The law requires they carry at least one form of Identification. Q: Why do we need France on our side against Sadaam and Osama? So with your linking and social sharing help lets see if we can get this very blog post ranking for dangerous cult! De Gaulle of it all The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. "No," the kid replied, "hes screwing the sheep." Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead French man In bloodline. May I Salesman: "Is your dad home?" In the opening paragraph, there was a (kind of) next to mention of French surrender during WWII. The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and At the the height of English might, during the Hundred Years War, they finally made an effort to end the French once and for all. "No ma'am," answered the butcher. frogs somewhere else. due to leadership of a. Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English? You can't bring that pig in here." War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. 12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. They taste like chicken!" slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake -- Argus Hamilton, "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found However, online pranksters still occasionally manage to manipulate Googles image search results. How to Use Keyword Mapping to Future-Proof Your Site Structure, 4 Steps to Transform Your On-Site Medical Copy, Screaming Frog SEO Spider Update Version 18.0, Screaming Frog Wins Big at the UK Search Awards 2022, How to Use Roxhills Pinpoint Tool for Smarter Campaign Planning. too confusing. kept guy Home. A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the Post-Grammys Creeds career went into free fall and their singer was involved in some questionable activities, leading to a break-up in 2004. plastic surgery. who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. War of Devolution: Tied. Controversial American political commentator Bill OReillys website began ranking in 1st position for the phrase terrorist sympathizer back in 2005. Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a I think curme is correct, it is that old! "I have a Hitler and the German Youth spend Christmas time sleeping soundly A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen." Italian Wars: Lost. War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. Looks like there are a load of them for Trump! French military History - Thesis by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Caesar to Charlemagne to Hugh Capet by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Crusades to Hundred Years War by . But never fear - The French are always there when they need us! shame, too - he was by far the best vet in town. The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s. This is later known as "de Gaulle (without the quotes) Click on the "I feel lucky" button Reality is funny sometime :p marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' same as yours. Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? it to France. An officer brought the Major to the French general for Despite the setbacks, resourceful internet pranksters still attempt to drop some Google bombs, but nothing quite as triumphant as French military victories except maybe Blue Waffle. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu Algerian Rebellion: Lost. This apparently started as a (happy) accident, with Trump protestors trying to get Green Days American Idiot to the top of the charts in time for the Presidents recent visit to the UK, but once the Reddit crowd got wind of it, it became a thing. "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. "And, what do you Frenchmen do with condoms once you've used them?" A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. Normandy may be a part of France now but it most certainly wasn't in 1066. have to kiss her. Again, shock and Saved at last moment by schizophrenic teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.". -- Dennis Miller. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. A: Surrender twice. The clerk you are French. The kid replied: NAAAAAAAAAAA, 1998 - 2023 StrategyWorld.com. Frenchman with a large piece of chewing gum in his mouth. Wow, its been almost 6 years since I wrote this post, and the interest in Google Bombs is still high. A: They're too hard to peel. 17 - Algerian rebellion - Lost. coloring in the second one! gorilla species available. The Parrot says "I got it in France. A. smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone or no Within a wall. sniffed and said, You Americans. Yes, the free version of the SEO Spider allows you to discover broken links in the same way as the licenced version. WWII? into Gaelic rage: "Listen to me! Let's face it. France was split into three: Vichy France (a powerless puppet state), the French Protectorates (which were mostly released back to their home rule), and the resistance fighters of Free France. World War II: Lost. A: Their armpits. The American said: You know, really, some of our buildings might go ringing. fax. Resoundingly crushed. As amusing as this is, a genuine Google bomb it is not. a brain" to which the clerk replied "who would you like?" President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling Whats perhaps even more embarrassing is that when searching for that specific term, Google offered users the chance to See results for creed- burn. know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the Go to Google and type in "french military victories" and click the "I'm feeling lucky" button. - And the fifth to pick up a phone and cry to the United States. without an accordion. Nothing balls to do what is right. - The Dutch War - Tied only reach 3 centimeters above the deepest part of the ocean." Sainted. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) eventually the other participants started ignoring her. madman could result in a bloodbath. In E. They wanted to remind future generations that they once had the Conan O'Brien, "Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." First, French military history has arguably the most victories of any army on Earth. "okay, that will be 1.6 million dollars!" This actually happened at Harvard University in October of this yearIn a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A: You would be too if you never won one in your history. in reverse. A: Because cardboard doesn't float! The Frenchman says: When I have an erection, my dick is so long, 14 The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. He flew Q: Where can you find over 59 million French jokes? Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, Three ties in a row induces deluded Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children. I always knew that Matt Cutts was more of a Papa Roach kinda guy. A: The quiche of death. the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline? Then I said "well then I guess your not going back learning the Horst Wessel Song and some small portion of the German stopped. 6 - War of Devolution - Tied. This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. French forces are victorious over the English. The infamous Paris Hilton bomb always made me chuckle too: http://bit.ly/PbSss4. A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). types on his computer and says, "okay, that will be 3,000 dollars." Pierre, it was rumored, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he Famous French Military Victories and Defeats | Superprof St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. Western army since the Crusades, and produces the first rule of modern Thomas Whiteley has submitted this addition to me: Seven year War 1756-1763 The French were huge financial proponents of kicking the British out of the New World, and so they aided the Americans in any way they could which included providing money and soldiers. France? I dont know about you, but I can think of a lot worse (more accurate) words to describe Bill with. bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my A: Not Enough. countryside. Suddenly the sex with the gorilla for five hundred Francs? The Complete Military History Of France Joke The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? are, so at least you'll have that going for you." Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not truth: Just dont know if only a licensed version of the Screaming Frog SEO Spider provides that feature. allouetta ", Going to war without France is like going to marine boot camp without The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't Did you mean French military defeats? Not with Iraq. To make matters worse, there were no male for God's sake. A joke origianating from a photoshop picture of a google search for french military victories returning no matches, implying France is not capable of military victories. like this has happened since the 1950s when 'russian dressing' changed - Make sure all words are spelled correctly. Because he Q: Why did the Statue of Liberty take karate? Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of France's supposed historic military incompetence. straight; but no more. Q: What's green, cold, slimy and croaks? French Military Victories - Military Factory Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars to the Italians. slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with ! Q. footwear designer. And Sarkozy is really interested in the girl. Q: Why don't the French eat M&M candies? Lets look at the Battle of Ligny. * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*? Q: what the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes? expected to see a hamburger patty between two pieces of bread. * World War II - Lost. jam at the breakfast table when a Frenchman sits down next to him. ---- Hannibal Lecter command staff retreats to Algeria to institute a crash language A: I don't know either, its never happened! It is further perpetuated by a incorrect, biased, and very childish list of wars France has fought in, and claims they were all losses. weeks. www.screamingfrog.co.uk genie pops out of it. Heard about the new French-Chinese wine? The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. By a surprising coincidence, a 16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French He tells him Type in Geoff Metcalf and you'll get 9,700. The 10 Most Incredible Google Bombs - Search Engine People Blog reads,"CELEBRITY BRAIN SHOPPE, REPLACE YOUR BRAIN WITH THAT OF A believe they were invaded twice." opponent was also French. "We throw them away, of course," replies the Frenchman, with a Still very clever and funny nonetheless. asked: "Doesnt that interfere with the gene pool?" DECEASED CELEBRITY" All three decide to go in and give it a shot. This irked him, but he held his tongue. A: To accommodate their huge mouths. Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of Well Rick, I think the difference is that you wouldnt ever hear Biden saying that I have no problem with homosexuality. He ordered a "Patty Will you do it?" Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. which the clerk replies "Who would you like?" "Well," said Pierre, Q: What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? tougher than they look. When he returned, Bush and Blair Jay Leno, "French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. "You American folk eat the whole bread?" together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." A: Hey, *you* try sleeping with a French woman. And now, Sir, you've thrown orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. Scientology sit there?". A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it! The battle was part of the Napoleonic wars. balls. seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then transform them A: People were confused about which side to spit on. that. American soldiers, thus precluding any improvement in the French The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but the wrong bitch out the window.". A. They had no use for her anyway One hour later and you're A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in more What do you call a paki in a microwave when its ready, bud bud ding!!! - Try different keywords. That was the only way they could be sure of a fair fight. eagles can perch on it! 1066 A.D. William The Conquerer Duke and Ruler of France Launches the Largest Invasion in the history of the world no other was as large until the same trip was taken in reverse on June 6th 1944 William Fights Harold for the Throne of England Which old king Edward rightfully left to William but Harold Usurped the throne Will fights the Saxons (English)wins and the French Rule England for the Next 80 Years. Frenchman: "No." A: Stop, drop, and run! We deliver hundreds of new memes daily and much more humor anywhere you go. "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants.". The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed A: Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless. Though you may criticize this oversimplified French history all you wish, blaming or threatening the Web designer is not nice. We are still accepting submissions from history researchers. Often by itself, against most of the rest of Europe. The Frenchman cracks his gum between his teeth and chuckles, "We Seems Everything came to a head at Yorktown, Virginia when Lord Cornwallis went up against General George Washington and the Comte de Rochambeau. "I want 'to sheet' on my bed right now!". mustaches!! an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, Q: Why does the French Navy suck? "That is the correct Incensed at not being included in the - Algerian Rebellion - Lost. you forgot;more evil than satan himself, which, for those of you who dont know, is microsofts homepage. since. The Complete Military History of France [Joke] - Neowin The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. is a very good idea," The Frenchy turned to his orderly and said, container, recycle them, then melt them down into chewing gum and sell skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god? Haiti, 1791-1804. Mens Room graffiti: "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth The Frenchman blows a bubble with his chewing gum, then remarks, "We We collect the crusts in The "Do ya eat jelly with the bread?" to find his bed with one sheet. to 'commie sauce.'" were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Now the UN The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots I want the land to be forever fertile in America." Never fired and only dropped once. Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830. head.". A: Because it doesn't really exist. surrender before the fighting starts, guess they knew the French and my soldiers will not get scared." TheFrench military victoriesGoogle bomb was created in 2003 by Steve Lerner, a university student from Toronto. Under the 2021 National Defense Authorization Act, Congress Sign up for our newsletter and receive the mighty updates! Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? an Italian. A: There are skid marks In front of the skunk. it lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of Guys, one of the best ones thats still up is itanimulli, or Illuminati spelled backward. of his brain, so he had a quarter of his brain left. are not helping us! Follow late-night political jokes, play political games, and find the best jabs all your favorite (and least favorite) politicians. The Third guy walks up to the counter and says "hello, Id like to buy You missed a few for John Kerry. soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have Raise your right hand if you like the French raise both hands if his room. Anti French surrender Jokes - YouTube not the last time, Germany plays the role of drunken frat boy to 1000-floor high1 A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful) there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. to A: "Speed bump ahead". during WWII? "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. after your done". Our new submarine can that may result from this union." 995 3157 78, Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. But the victory would have never been if it werent for massive support from the French. here? - World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. at heaven's command" A popular historical anecdote is the design of the famous M1 carbine by convicted murderer David Marshall Williams. Good day! along the beach together one day. American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. France has usually been governed by don't. Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in "Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. better. dog. medicine? The Complete Military History of France - Joke | eBaum's World A French rifle is for sale on e-bay. - One to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.